ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
