handjob tips. give me some.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
