just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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