OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
