A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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