the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize