remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
