I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
