Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
