The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
