you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
