I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
