i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
