the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
