toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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