He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
