Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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