I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
