I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
