I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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