hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
