I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
