i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Are my feet made of real feet?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
