3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize