i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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