I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize