***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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