That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
