Welp...herpes.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
