Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
