I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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