will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
false alarm, still single
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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