It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
