I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
