I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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