He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
