Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
