Do you still have your period?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
