we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
