woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
