That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
