Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
