Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Randomize
