it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think your dad took our porno
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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