I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize