I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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