I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
