Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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