I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
