**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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