no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
