I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
