An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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