So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
