I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
