So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize