So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Randomize
