ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
