tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
