Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sorry about my life...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
