She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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