don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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