it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
