don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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