you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
