My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
