She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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