hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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