How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
