she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
