I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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